BANGKOK DANGEROUS?

Reports on the internet and in the foreign media suggest Thailand is a very scary place, with murders and maimings happening daily, but that is far from the truth

Writer: By Andrew Biggs
Published: 9/08/2009

Uh-oh ... another news story doing the cyber rounds about how dangerous Thailand is, especially ''Pattaya, where hundreds of British tourists are murdered and maimed each year''.

How I yearn for the days when I got my information from reliable journalists.

Back in the early 1980s when I was a cadet reporter we were drilled by drunken, hardened journalists who seemed like a million years old to always confirm our sources. They were excellent mentors. Spelling somebody's name incorrectly meant instant dismissal for a cadet (which seems ludicrously strict now, but I still check the spelling of somebody's name to this day).

After writing our news story we sat with steely sub-editors who went through our copy asking difficult questions like: ''Who's saying this? Or is it your opinion?'' If one answered the latter, it was unceremoniously struck from the story.

(These same men would also quietly teach you adages like ''Never let the facts stand in the way of a good story'', which we will conveniently ignore for the sake of fond reminiscences about the good old days.)

That attention to facts is a world away from the era of today. I imagine those hardened journalists and steely sub-editors are turning in their early graves with the situation we have today. Newspapers, once full of fact-checking journos, are dying, thanks to a new media where your imagination, as opposed to the truth, is your only limiting factor.

As a result we get wild rumours on the internet dressed up in coats of serious journalism telling us how dangerous Thailand is for tourists. Somebody says hundreds of tourists were ''maimed or murdered'' in Pattaya and suddenly it's all over the net.

Who said it? Kevin the backpacker from Cardiff? Barry from the British Chamber of Commerce? Nui from B-NOW? And, er, what's this ''maimed and murdered'' business? Are the hapless victims given a choice by their benevolent attackers, with some greedy victims opting for both? Or are the Thai police so lazy that, upon stumbling on yet another hapless foreign victim, they just couldn't be bothered establishing if he/she is still alive for fear of it eating into their lunch hour? Lump 'em all into one statistic and hey, don't stint on the sticky rice.

It turns out last year five British tourists were murdered in Thailand out of a total of 12 foreigners. Of these dozen foreigners who lost their lives, the majority were shady Russian gangsters/sex tourists, so surely they don't count. Whatever the total, when you compare it with the 18 million tourists who came to Thailand last year, a fact slowly emerges that is sure to unnerve even the most hysterical letters-to-the-editor writing westerner with too much time on his hands _ Thailand is a very safe country for tourists.

Twenty years ago I was a young, handsome traveller on my way to London to work. I bought the cheapest ticket available to get there _ Thai Airways, which stipulated I had to break my journey in Thailand for at least two nights on my way over.

''Just be careful who you associate with while you're there,'' were my mother's sage words about Thailand as she tearfully bade me farewell at Brisbane Airport. ''Remember you're in Asia.'' If only my life had a musical soundtrack accompaniment _ cue in the slashing violins from the Psycho shower scene. Weet weet weet weet ...

I arrived in Bangkok and after a day in the capital I was determined to explore the ancient capitals of Siam, so on a whim I postponed my flight out of Bangkok to London and caught a train to Ayutthaya.

''You're where?'' my mother replied when I called her, reverse charges, from the Ayutthaya post office. She was fully expecting a call telling her I was safe and sound in Earl's Court _ instead her favourite son was reporting from some unknown ancient capital smack bang in the middle of Asia. Weet weet weet weet ...

After a fascinating week in Ayutthaya I went to Lopburi, then Sukhothai and Si Satchanalai.

By this stage my mother was really nervous. ''Time to get out of there while you can in one piece and go to London.'' I'm sure my mother had found a map and seen that Thailand was firmly wedged in between Burma, at the time experiencing riots, Laos, also in a period of unrest, and the least said about the atrocities of Cambodia the better.

''You'll look at a soldier the wrong way and they'll shoot you right between the eyes!'' my mother said to me when I called her from a phone booth in Nong Khai.

That's right; after my tour of the North I had caught the bus to Isan and started to explore that region. My mother was having kittens. All she wanted was for me to be snuggled up safely in the bosom of London. The thought of me cavorting around Thailand, where smiling locals lurked from every som tam corner shop waiting to maim and murder me, was too much for mum.
By this stage even the psycho violins were starting to sound tired. ''All right you've had your fun _ just get on that plane to England,'' she ordered me when I was in Udon Thani.

Alas, my two-month tourist visa was running out. The day I phoned her from Don Mueang Airport, two hours before catching a plane to the safe haven of mother England, she was ecstatic. For the first time in two months she was talking to me without that schoolmistress voice. For the first time in two months she could breathe.

It didn't matter that I'd spent two blissful months in Thailand, never once fearful for my life. With a heavy heart I bade farewell to Thailand, the new love of my life, and flew to the warm cleavage of mother England.

It was on day six of my stay in England when a very British cat burglar broke into the Brixton house of the friend where I was staying. My money, traveller's cheques, camera and even my favourite pair of jeans were stolen. Once again, a reverse charge call to Australia, but this time there was an arrogance in my plaintive tone: ''I'm here, mum, but I've lost everything. Send money quickly.'' And when it arrived, I bought a plane ticket back to Thailand.

I'm not oblivious to reality. Terrible crimes are committed here _ just look at the pictures on page one of Thai Rath and Daily News and you'll see the many interesting ways Thais are ''murdered and maimed'' by their fellow countrymen.

The Guardian reports that more than 200 Brits die in Thailand every year, but before The Hysteria Club starts reaching for their pens, most of those are ''elderly long-term residents'' who shuffle off their mortal coil with no trace of a murder or even maiming. And if British tourists really want a dangerous country to visit, try Australia, where we regularly dismember foreign tourists on lonely tracts of the outback or on the side streets of Sydney's Chinatown. At least they do it here with a Thai smile.