by Par Barbara Delbrouck
Translated from French into English
by Monikhemra Chao
Posted on Sept 14, 2009
What is it that these Khmers who come back to Cambodia having grown abroad? Do they feel at home in the country of smile? What reception do they accept from the local population? After a small turn of skyline to a dozen Khmers from abroad having made the decision to go back to their origins, a thing seems clear: the return is not easy. Some people had never milled on the earth of their forefathers. Others, who crossed it a party of their childhood, acknowledge nothing more. Cambodia changed and they too besides. And the most part of them collide with a reality sometimes hard to accept: they are immediately perceptible by the local population as "foreigners". A situation lived in various ways: some people find peace by considering himself straightaway to be foreigner; others make everything for " future Khmer "; others else try to find an equilibrium between their different identity.
Foreigner in his country
If it was necessary to find a common point to all Khmers from abroad, it would be probably the fact that they all made, immediately, as 'foreigners ' by the local Khmers, spot how they are held, of walk, to get dressed, to speak... A situation which can make laugh at the beginning, but that am for certain source of frustration and questioning.
"People acknowledge me as Khmer because of my not very local style, my manner of driving me, moving, tells Auray, Frenchman of Cambodian origin. They hesitate. Perhaps it is a Khmer from abroad? They do not know too much. In general, they take me for a Filipino or a Vietnamese, but not for a Khmer. " Auray left Cambodia when he was two years old. In France, his father spoke to him in French and his mother in Khmer. He understands the Khmer therefore but does not speak it. " I heard people saying: how it makes that he does not speak Khmer while he is born in Cambodia? At the beginning, it is funny, but in the long, it becomes hard. And you make even no more effort to explain. "
The identity questioned every day
Putsata, Khméro-américaine which also left Cambodia child, was confronted to this problem when it met its family: " They laughed of the manner I walked, so quickly, of the way I spoke Khmer And over instant, I also laughed well. But afterwards you think and you ask: then I am Khmer or American? How, me, I am considered? " In Cambodia, the slightest daily act returns Putsata continuously to its self-defining questions, that it is when it takes a tuk-tuk or when she goes to the market... " I often wonder of what the others think of me. Do they want to give me a price Khmer because they know that I am khmer or they want to give me foreigner's price parce I come the United States? "
This problem also concerns the Khmers having grown in Cambodia but who must have escaped the country to come back only from years there later. Sokal left the Cambodian territory at the age of 15 years. It has 30 of it today and came back for the first time in the kingdom in 2009. While having feeling to evolve finally in an environment where it did not differ physically from the majority of people, it realized that he did not pass therefore unobserved. In Phnom Penh, they contacted him in Chinese or Japanese. " I really feel a bit foreign in my country ", he regrets. " It has it full of things which make that, everywhere, they know that I am not from here. " Sokal tried everything to make sure that the Khmers do not point out more that he comes "besides ", but nothing makes there. " I always try to ask my friends what it is necessary to make to be as the others, because every time I have the right to comments.
This situation is sometimes in two ways difficult to accept for certain Khmers from abroad who, in spite of their incorporation in their country of reception, always felt that they differred or even put aside all over their origin. Today, they come back to Cambodia with the hope of feeling finally "to them " and have to face up official report that here also, they are considered as different.
For others, it does not pose problem. It is the case of Davy Chou, young 25-year-old film-maker born in France, and which takes fact to be foreign in Cambodia. " You will always remain the foreigner. What is normal and especially, plainly! I am French and not Cambodian, the young man insists. It is to fool itself that to tell itself that they are Cambodian. They try unsuccessfully to have Cambodian parents and to try to speak Khmer, they do not act Cambodian. I lived 25 years in France, my manner of thinking is French and my habits are French. "
Double culture to be managed, identity to be found
Fact to be considered to be 'foreigners ' on the earth of their origins implicates self-defining question settings necessarily but also contributes, for some, to find finally answers to questionings which haunt them many years.
Joty Mousar has felt for a long time in full self-defining torment. Cambodian of cham origin having grown in suburbs in France, he well found it difficult to construct an identity. In France, he does not feel considered to be Frenchman and, by exaggerating, he realizes that he is not either Cambodian nor same Cham. " Chams in France integrates of three manners: either they become Frenchmen, or they become religious [Muslims - EDITOR'S NOTES], or they become Cambodians, he explains. Me, I was always built on anti-models. In finale, I was built with my three identity and I made with. By being of three and absolutely by differring of three. " Joty saw in Cambodia today. It found a family "very Cambodian" cham, a form of further education and an equilibrium there. " I seem a bit barefaced by being too French sometimes. But people understand, because I did not grow here. Finally, I am accepted because I am not Cambodian and I have the opportunities of a Cambodian because I speak the language. All this leads to a stability, a calmness which I did not have in France. "
Bowinneth, psychologist for children khméro-Dutch, also found greeting in the way of middle. After a stay of five years in Cambodia, she plans now to come back to Netherlands with her husband and her two children. " I came here to find my roots but finally I found them in me, she explains. I managed to accept that there will always be a tension between two cultures and I am finding an equilibrium. I am in peace with my two sides. "
Hisham Mousar shone found peace by determining, then by accepting, made it that he was French first of all. " I have the feeling that the most part of the Frenchmen of Cambodian origin are French, he estimates. They were raised in France, rocked by the French contines, philosophy, literature, the French language! It is only after they can wonder if they are Cambodian or not. It is not something unprompted. It is rather a personal step of each to go towards its origins. "
A relation which asks for patience and for efforts
Original returns with the local Khmers are not therefore always simple, when they do not prove to be bluntly discouraging for those who waited a fantasized meeting a lot. And, to evolve, relations between Khmers from abroad and local Cambodians demand time and efforts, particularly when the first do not master the khmer language. There also, reactions are also various as the personalities. Some people manage to weave very close relations and real best regards, others abandon it and take finally simply the fact that they feel better with foreigners.
"It was hard at the beginning because I hoped for a lot of relation to the Cambodians, share Rapytha, 40-year-old franco-Khmer. But it goes much better since I wait for nothing more and since I take them as they are. I changed a lot. Before, I put the bar very high and I was sad that this takes place badly. Now, I feel wholly accepted because I do not any more try to be accepted. I have relations with them in a much more serene manner. " Rapytha knows that this relation still requests of time and efforts. But today, she estimates not be considered already any more to be a foreigner. And according to her, fact that she speaks Khmer fluently help tremendously.
Davy Chou positions straightaway himself as one foreign, greedy for discovery. And, as Frenchman, it is not disappointed of its meeting with the Cambodians, whom he thinks particularly hospital. " If they have a feeling that you have a true interest, they are very happy to show you their country: the night market, how they have a good time in Cambodia And my step is very opened in that direction, they can agree! " Davy stresses necessity also, Khmer from abroad or not, to get involved a lot to be able to weave relations with the Cambodians. At his arrival, it refused to be next to foreigners and decided, at least at first, to link relations only with Khmers and to learn their language. " I came here with this kind of obsession, almost ' not Cambodian racism '. And this walked. I have full of Cambodian friends. "It is only almost three months after her arrival that it met other expatriates. " I think that it is the only possible order. The opposite is easier because they have the same language and the same culture. " In four months, it is especially with students that Davy succeeded in striking up a friendship: " I am closer to them because they are the same age old, the same level of education but especially they speak English, what is necessary so that they understand each other and so that I can continue learning the Khmer ".
Even if true best regards can therefore be constructed with the local Cambodians, it is therefore necessary to accept that they differ from those linked with other foreigners or Khmers from abroad. What some people adapt of more easily than others, in function so perhaps on behalf of khmer identity which they feels in them.
Bowinneth, who grew in Netherlands, also tied best regards with Cambodians in the course of the five years crossed in the kingdom. The half of his friends in Phnom Penh is Khmers, of born best regards mostly in the course of working relations. Western best regards, khmer best regards... " These are just different relations, she explains. And I feel very well with this because this answers Khmer my side. I think that they [my Cambodian friends] consider me to be Khmer but that they also have a feeling that I am one Khmer from abroad. "
For Rapytha, difference in amicable relations is also linked to ways of life. With her khmer friends, she will not have of big debates, between intimate friends, but will speak about small things of life. " They are not absolutely going to come to light, it acknowledges. There is a huge virtuousness. But perhaps it is precisely because they have the feeling that I cannot understand and because me I am not either going to bother them with my states of soul. Because I do not take the liberty of having states of soul. "
"I do not have a tremendous number of Cambodian friends, confesses from his part Joty. There is a difference in my head. In the way of supplies things. " The same thing for Auray, which feels more comfortable with Frenchmen or of foreigners of Cambodian origin.
A more labored incorporation for the women?
In these difficulties, is added the weight of traditions, heavier still to support for the women. Even if morals evolve, the place of the woman in Cambodia is not the same that in Europe, in the United States or in Australia. " It is more difficult for the women because when they come from France, it is a complete detachment, comments Joty. They have fewer rights, those who go out are badly considered. And the look of some and others is very important here. It is necessary to keep the honour of the girl. "
A difficulty confirmed by Rapytha, particularly true in the field of job. " I see it in comparison with my colleagues Khmers from abroad, the look of the Cambodians is not the same on them that on me. The Cambodians have an idea enough machiste of the place of the woman in job. On top of that if you have a little of responsibility, as woman from abroad, I have the impression that it is more hard to make its place. " Rapytha reached however there. But it however looks after to get dressed not so as to shock her colleagues or her friends. " I think that a western can afford of keepings that me I cannot afford because I am of Cambodian origin, she explains. I am not going to go pike-niquer with Cambodian friends to bare back. Thing that I would afford easily with French friends. Therefore I fitted but this depends with whom I am ".
According to Bowinneth, things however evolved since she saw here. "I pointed out that things changed. Also, I probably changed, but I think that it is two. In Phnom Penh, people become more opened. On dress plan but also on role of the women who take part in the society, study… "
Side love, if it is frequent that Khmers from abroad take a "local" for spouse, the khmer women from abroad, often perceptible as independent and far from the picture of the perfect Cambodian housewife, are less numerous to find the soul mate among the local population. Putsata, khméro-American, 35 years old, independent, journalist who rolled his bump until Afghanistan, is so in years of light of the icon of the " good discreet khmer spouse ". His parents besides do not have try to impose on him a husband. "Too American" for a Khmer, jokes even his mother. But would it be ready to say yes to a Cambodian of the country? " I think that it would be necessary that it is somebody very particular to manage this, answers Putsata. He could not ask me to iron the shirt! Forget this! ", she adds by laughing. But to choose, that would it prefer? A question about which it told have never thought, but from that answer appears fast of its mind: " I think that if I had the choice between two men, the one Khmer and the other not Khmer but both also progressive, I would choose the Khmer, it cuts with confidence. Because since I am in Cambodia, there is this unconvincing thing when I am with my family and my friends Khmers: they understand the same culture, they are going to laugh in the same things. And then, be able of sharing together a language which is not English, that is our language, it is something of really intriguing! " But, this husband Khmer, " it would be necessary that it is really very progressive! ", it hastens to specify. In check entendeur...
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